tearlily

A Little of Everything type of Site

Frustrated part II

on July 20, 2017

We have do much coming up and I had not felt like I was getting super stressed but I guess I have been. I have had multiple times were I get randomly itchy at night time. Two times happened when I went back home to see my grandma who ended back up in the hospital and we had a lot of family drama about that. I was a mess at that time and missed a couple days of school and went back home to see her. Thankfully I didn’t have any tests during that time but still missing two days of classes was not the best. I slept on a pull out cot back in my old house since I had no room anymore because my brother moved in with my dad during the time I was leaving. I woke up in the middle of the night itching like crazy but had no bumps, just red where I scratched myself. I freaked out thinking it was maybe bedbugs?? I slept on the leather recliner and the second night I slept on the recliner again and had the same thing happen in the middle of the night.

The next time it happened was last weekend at work, I was there till about 11:30 pm and around 10ish at night I began itching like crazy! No bumps, just red where I itched! I was not stressed at that time but was annoyed because I had to wait an hour to get report from the other person so she could leave and I could get started on things like 10 blood sugars and so forth. She kept doing other things, I think to stay longer and I kept asking about report and trying to keep an eye out for her being done so she didn’t have to stay so late after being there for 12 hours.

The other times have been these past week. I wake up in the middle of the night itching and I freak out but I don’t believe its bedbugs because when I looked into that there would be bumps in a line or area and possibly blood stained on the linen from them biting. Really creepy! This week I have been getting bumps though. I asked my family friend about it and she said when you get stressed your body releases histamine which causes an allergic reaction. This does make sense because I have also been eating poorly again, feeling drained, and breaking out really bad acne wise. There is so much to do at school and I am worried about my grandma still because she has been getting so depressed at rehab and I am six hours from her without traffic and stopping for gas and food.

I need to work on my coping with stress. Yes we have been learning about it and what to do to become less stressed and be healthy. Its harder to put it to practice.

I wrote the beginning earlier in the day right after I had gotten home from school after my really irritated state of mind had occurred. I am not sitting to eat a warmed up Marie calendars meal, yes probably not healthy but I did not have time to cook because I stood around talking to one of the neighbors for forever! I did do some exercises to help with my back muscles and abs and took a shower so I am feeling much better now. I spoke to a friend on her way to work. I told her what happened and she made me feel much better.

Anyway, back to the story. So we had class this afternoon and got out about half an hour early which is shocking for that class because we would normally go until after the end time every class. My partner for check offs who is my friend in class and I walked to our cars to drop things off and go to the library to practice our check offs for tomorrow morning. He had told me he was free anytime besides when we are in class to practice or study and we had decided days we would practice this week, this afternoon after class being one of the days. Last couple times we had check off together and were partners he had complained I would not put enough effort into meeting up to practice so this time I gave us three times to practice our check offs. He has a very I am always right and I know everything attitude. He is older and has kids but that certainly does not mean he knows everything. I know he spends a lot more time studying than me but out of all our exam grades, I have done better on every single one except for one. I do not say anything like oh I did better or anything like that because that’s rude and unnecessary but he certainly has hat attitude of oh I’m not worried about the test and that gets pissed off every test for whatever questions he got wrong and blames it on this or that. Oh if I read that book more versus the other volume book I would have gotten a 100 on it or blaming the teacher for giving him tips on studying and not doing well on the test because he used those tips.

I guess you have the idea of the kind of person I am talking about. Plus he has complained about a lot of people in the class. I have too but maybe a third of the amount he has. I am fine with him venting to me or whatever but he acts like because most of the class is my age and is 10 years younger than him, that we act a certain childish way because we are “millennials”. There is a great video on youtube from adam connover about how millenials dont actually exist. Regardless of if someone is living at home and not having to work or anything else, we are all in the same program. It didn’t matter how old we were or if we worked or have our own place. Our grades and classes and test scores are what got us here. Sure not everyone has the same caring warm heart that is expected from a nurse or may have good intentions of helping others but we all got here and are dealing with the same things. I feel like he has put me down sometimes by acting like oh you millenials and blah blah. Guess what I have been working my butt off since my senior year of highschool. Yes it is not 10 years+ of experience but every time I show up to work I try my best and am exhausted at the end of each shift because I don’t want to look lazy or leave anything for others to deal with. I have worked in the hospital for the past 2-3 years and part of that was in the emergency room where I have done CPR and seen people come in dead or dying. I am not perfect nor am I always mature but I do not feel I should be grouped with a name like millennial because of my age and some stupid stereotype. Besides, what’s wrong with not wanting to get married young or staying with your family while going to college to further your education?

Also a bunch of drama with my new neighbor family friends and this guy friend I am talking about. He had mentioned to me before about someone he used to be friends with and had a falling out that loves dogs and lives near me and would watch my dog if I asked her too. Said great things about her but said he didnt want to be mentioned or whatever. Didn’t know who or what. Met these really nice people when walking my dog and they welcomed me in and invited me to bbqs and we have become good friends. One day the daughter who moved back in with the family to help out said hey you know blah blah blah and he is in the nursing program with you and I texted him saying I know you too. She was so excited and said they hadnt talked in a long time but he was a great guy. I told her we had become friends in class and basically the person he mentioned was her but I had no idea and he got all mad but I told him I didnt know till after the fact and he said we were still friends but not to talk to her about him and vice versa. very strange. he told me what happened and basically drama drama. He is a huge drama king but he says he isn’t. oh please. This week the girl’s ex was texting all the people she had talked to before and pretending to be her and so I texted him warning him her ex was trying to text people she talked to and pretending to be her and he got so nasty about it and said to please never mention her and so forth and made a huge deal about it. I was like I was only warning you so you didnt respond to some body pretending to be her.

Today after class we went to library and I said okay you ready to practice and he said he was going to talk to this girl (who he has bitched about all semester!) because she wanted to talk to him about something. She came and talked and so we were all conversating. Then he gets up and is like oh are we going to practice or are you just going to keep talking and shit? I got so pissed off because I had asked earlier when we got there to go practice but he wanted to wait and talk to her and I was like I asked if you wanted to practice earlier and you were the one who said you wanted to talk to her. He was saying something on the lines of how he was confident about the check off and was only coming to help me because he was a “nice guy”. I got even more mad because seriously? I said okay well then I guess I am going home because this is a waste of my time and he acted like well I thought you wanted to practice. My attitude is F*** you if you want to treat me like that. We are supposed to be partners and I was trying to practice more with him because he complained I didn’t make enough time before to practice. I went to my car and drove home. He texted me saying:

“I believe you took my initial comment in a way it wasn’t intended. I asked if you wanted to stay and bullshit because I wasn’t going to tell you what to do. not any other reason.”

I said ” That was a waste of 45 mins for me. You said you wanted to talk to ******. I was waiting to practice this whole time.”

Then he texted me three separate messages.

“And I said I’d stay because I’m a nice guy, I want you to suceed just as I want to, so like I have said before I am 100% for practice whenever as my behavior demonstrated.”

“I didn’t mean to waste your time, you were engaging in the conversation so I had the impression you were wanting to talk.”

About 10 minutes later:

“I want to say this, you said you consider me a friend, a true friend doesn’t seek to change someone, they accept them as is without judgement.”

After what I have explained…do you understand my anger and frustration??? I have no choice, he is my partner for tomorrow’s check off but I have texted someone else in the class and asked if she had a partner for the final check off in two weeks and she said no and I asked if we could be partners and practice. She said that was fine and we have already started planning days to practice. She did ask me if I was okay. I don’t want to drag her into any drama or really cause any more drama. I just want to pass all my exams and checkoffs and get to my short 2 week break and work the 4 days at work and go home and see my boyfriend (going on leave for it hopefully), grandma, family, and friends. After that its only supposed to get harder in school.

I spoke to my friend about it and she said to just tell him maybe its good to get a break as partners and such and that we can still be friends but I will have a different partner for final one. I personally am terrible at wording things. I don’t know if this will end up causing us to not be friends and thats a shame but I can’t put up with that rude attitude. Like I need his help to pass. How rude!

If you got through this rough terrible post, I am sorry. haha. I know it is all over the place but I am always like that, so what’s new? Grammar is not so great either…apologies!

Keep smiling,

D.

 

P.S. I need to get into yoga and meditation and maybe those essential oils would be nice to smell. One patient had one in their room and it smelled so good and was really relaxing.

 

 

 

 

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