A Little of Everything type of Site


on January 27, 2017

Well hello to anyone who still reads my blog. It has been such a long time and I think an update is due. I think I started this back in the middle of high school and now I am just finishing my AA degree. It has been almost 3 years since I graduated high school. I usually posted rants on here about different things so I apologize for that. I am still an angry little person but I have a lot of wonderful people in my life who listen to me and let me talk it all out. I appreciate them for that.

Lets see, where to start? I finished my AA degree last December and at that time was in the process of applying to different schools then applying to their nursing programs. It was a long process and I only completed one nursing application and last December found out I got accepted to a really good program. I feel pretty lucky to be accepted to it: 1) because it is one of the top ten nursing programs in Florida and 2) because my worrying about not being accepted to any BSN programs was over (plus I didnt have to continue applying to anymore because my top choice was good to go!). I am still stressing out about the program because I wont know more information about the program until the end of February when we get enrolled in an online class to find out more about the program. It will be a tough program because it is 15 straight months, four semesters straight. It starts this Summer in may and ends August 2018. I am hoping to get an apartment there and from what I am seeing online the prices for apartments, ranging from studio aprtments-2 bedroom, are looking pretty good. I want to take my dog with me and have looked for only apartments that allow dogs. My dad and brother keep saying to leave my dog with them but I know she will not be taken care of as well. I do everything for her and we are very close. I cannot imagine being away from her for 15 months and see no problem with taking her as long as her shots and everything are up to date and I have a plan set in place for food, emergency vet, walks, and so forth. I will know my schedule better soon but for the most part I think I will be able to walk her in the morning, afternoon (after classes) and evening (before bed).  I bathe her, feed her, take her on trips, take her to the vet, spend time with her and everything now. She is my dog.

I have been working at a hospital that is 40 minutes away from me on the weekends, doing nightshifts. I have been with them almost two years (will be in April). I spent about a year and a half upstairs on a cardiac floor as a CNA and couldn’t stand the bullshit anymore. I was looking for another job at the end of last summer and ended up transferring to the Emergency department as a patient care tech at the end of last August. Best decision I could have made for myself. I only wish I did it sooner. There are still problems and the patients (probably 70% of them) suck ass. You would not believe the shit we put up with from some of the nastiest people you will ever meet.  The nurses, for the most part, are very helpful and on top of it. I have learned so much from being down there and get to do so much. I never did compressions upstairs during a code before but on the first weekend in the ER, I did compressions during a code in the ICU (we ran upstairs to help/to get me some experience doing them). Everyone down there pushes me to do new things and teach me. I have been getting better at drawing blood with a butterfly needle and they have me straight cath people. It is a lot of work but the flow is much faster pace and it has helped me with the stress of emergencies haha. There are still some issues with being down there but for the most part its good. I don’t dread going to work on the 40 minutes there.

I am still taking one class online right now. Ethics. Uggghhh. It’s not difficult but finding time to read the chapters is rough because I am so tired all the time. I work Friday and Saturday nights in the ER and now I started working with an agency to help watch my family friends disabled daughter and through that I found another case to get more hours during the weekdays. I watch a mentally disabled girl for a family Monday through Thursday during the days which is very mentally draining because the mother is so picky and fickle. Always changing her mind and acting like she knows her daughter so well but yells at her and gets frustrated with her. It is very difficult and I dread going there because its constantly this and that and this and that. She is very nice to me and cooks for me and such but I am tried of it because there is no structure for her daughter and she wants me to teach a mentally disabled girl when I am not a teacher. I am a CNA. I can help people clean themselves, feed them, assist them in daily activities, and so forth but I am not a teacher specialized in  disabilities. She wants me to teach her how to write her name but the girl is unable to pick out letters and write with her hand (you have to move her hand for her) and its frustrating for her and me. I have been reading to her which the girl likes. The mother said she would get her books (literally had nothing for her) but never did, so I have been getting books for her but it is not my job to come up with things to do with her. She can give me activities and stuff to do with her but it’s not my job to buy things. It is beyond frustrating but I have to remind myself that it is to save money for school and that it is just 3 more months left. I may have to make a new post about just this because there is so much that I cannot write about in this one post.

So right now, I am working every single day and taking one class online. Monday-Thursday help with the one girl even though her mom is there almost the whole time (seems pointless to me for me to be there when she constantly correcting things like oh not that shirt and literally has her change into the same looking white t shirt), work Friday and Saturday nights. Don’t get home till 8am the next morning and sleep that whole day.

Someone rear-ended me in December and I had to get xrays of my back done. Found out I have scoliosis and my back and neck and shoulders hurt so bad. My muscles are so tight. I am going to physical therapy now which helps. I take a muscle relaxer at night for the most part and ibuprofen during the days but am trying to wean off of that since physical therapy is helping me a lot. It’s hard to find time to do my stretches/exercises that they want me to do 2x a day. I got 2 times a week after my job during the day.


My grandma broke her leg about two weeks ago. I got so angry at my family because they told me she fell that morning at about noon when I called them and that they were going to wait to go to the doctors during the week and that they were “doing everything that the urgent care would do anyway”. My grandmother (yes both my grandmothers are sisters and I call them both my grandmothers because its an adoptive family to me and I consider my grandma-one who broke her leg- to be my grandma too) live together my grandmother thinks she knows everything and always talks about herself in a superior way because she was a nurse many many moons ago. Instead of taking my grandma to an urgent care or the ER like she should have she let it get worse. When I went over around 6pmish my grandma looked paler than usual and around 7pm they wanted to take her into bed. My dad literally had to pick her up and put her in the wheelchair and then pick her up to put her on the toilet and then pick her up and put her on the wheelchair and pick her up and put her on the bed. She was in so much pain and got even paler and a shade of gray. She looked terrible and was shaking from the pain. I started crying because I was so angry that they let her get like this because of their stupidity and thinking that they know whats best. I wanted to call 911 so they can take her to the ER. They said she was already in bed and was going to sleep. Her leg was so swollen. I was so worried that she broke something and that she would bleed out during the night or that the yellow bone marrow (learned that in older age after 40’s some of our bones turn from red marrow to yellow fat marrow and that those certain bones if broken can cause the yellow fat marrow to travel through the blood and kill the person if it gets to the lungs or heart). I was so upset because my family are stupid assholes that act like they know everything and like it was nothing. I see people in the ER who do not need to be there all the time. I see a lot of people who need to be there and are sick and hurt. I think anyone with common sense would know to take her to get checked out. I called my family friend who I feel is family and like a mom to me (more than who was there, my grandmother and my aunt and dad) and is a nurse with her masters in nursing and taught me a lot of what I know and made me a good portion of who I am today, and told her what was wrong and cried and told her what my family did and how they wont call 911. She said she would talk to my dad. My family got so angry with me for calling her and my grandmother said she “makes the decisions around here” (because she has power of attorney over my grandma and her son (my uncle)). My aunt and dad yelled at me and said basically I was stupid. My dad said I didnt know anything because I had “only been in the ER for 3 months” (actually I have been in the ER for 6 months now and have been in the hospital for almost 2 years and have had experience with falls from assisted living as well, Basically since my senior year I have been around and taking care of senior citizens). My aunt said they had decided as a “family” and so forth. Again this is my adoptive family and they can all go suck d**k. I am so done with my aunt who I could have given a shit less about beforehand because she never cared what I had to say to begin with. My grandmother is a piece of shit who thinks she is a doctor with xray vision and I have always been tired of how she feels so superior and is power hungry. My dad has always been and on and off asshole and follows his mothers orders like a little puppy with his master. My dad basically kicked me out of my grandmothers house and I cried all night worrying about my grandma and her broken leg. My grandmother finally called 911 in the morning around 5. I got to the hospital about 6am with 3 hours of sleep and was worried my grandma wasnt going to make it. After almost 24 hours of suffering and breaking her leg, yup she broke her tibia and had to have surgery that night. M y grandmother tried acting like all was great and how it all worked out but I am so angry and hurt. My grandma suffered 24 hours. Even with morphine, she still hurt so bad. She was at the hospital all week and I visited her everyday. I brought her coffee and chocolate and a warm fuzzy blanket and pillow. She is the nicest human being I have ever known and to see her suffer that much was unbelievable.

My grandma and some friends are the only reason I would ever want to come back to visit here. I will not come back after I leave for school for any holidays. The only reason would be to visit my grandma and a handful of people. My grandmother and dad are trying to act like all is well but I will never be okay with them. Mostly because I know if any one of them broke their leg, they would have immediately went to the ER but if its my grandma or uncle (mentally challenged and physically disabled) then they can wait 24 hours. My grandma is at a rehab now and I am going to visit her as much as I can. I cant on the weekends because of my job and working all night.

Ohy vey, this is a much longer post than I originally planned. Anyway…I am stressing about many things. My grandma and her broken leg and how my family treated it. Money for an apartment and everything to start nursing school. Nursing school being for real (I so worried I am going to mess something up and they will say whoops you cant start school because of something). My job during the weekdays is killing my patience.

Another thing is that my boyfriend is in the Navy and is in Virginia. We are still doing pretty good but we really miss each other. I am so happy to have him but wish we could actually be together. I need to finish school first and then we can see where he is with the navy and if we can move in together at that point. He keeps asking me to marry him and  keep saying no but I am thinking more seriously about it now because he wants to help me through school and that way when I finish I can go live with him and work as a nurse where he is but marriage is pretty serious to me. I really want a prenuptial agreement so that if anything were to happen and we get divorced that we have an agreement of what happens when we still love each other rather than if we hated each other. I worry about divorce a lot. I think we are pretty good together and we are both growing up. He is learning to live in an apartment and pay bills and save and begin in the Navy and I am soon going to live on my own and go through nursing school so I can start making a living. We are growing up but I don’t know where we may both be in 2 years. He listens to me and we have been together for 4 years but I think we should live together before getting married to make for sure we can really put up with each other everyday haha.


Well if you stuck through to the end and read all of that, I appreciate it. Even if no one reads this, it always feels good to get it all out somewhere.

Keep smiling,



Let me know whats going on with you!




2 responses to “Update?

  1. Sandra says:

    Hi there, haven’t caught one of you blogs in forever. My you sound so grown up now. You have a lot going on, and its good to get it out! I wish you’d been in the hospital I was in this past week. Was in the ER and then admitted to the ward. Lower intestinal problems. Agony. Lots of morphine, CT scans, barium xray, tests etc. etc. etc. So I have to tell you in the three days I was there, all of the nurses and CNA’s were OK! But on my last day I had one young, spunky, quirky nurse who made the whole experience a ton better. She was a ray of sunshine. So you go and be everyone’s ray of sunshine. It makes such a difference, and its good to hear from you again. Venting is great!

    • TearLily says:

      I am so happy to hear from you! It has been so long. I have grown up some but I have quite a lot more to go. I think these next two years will really push me forward. Thank you!

      Sorry to hear about your health problems 😦 the hospital really is not the most fun. I am sure you are tired. How are you feeling and doing now? How is life going? I have missed you!

      I hope I can make a difference in some peoples lives but I just hope I find a better population of people to work with because sometimes it is rough with the people around the hospital I work at.

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