tearlily

A Little of Everything type of Site

Bitter Sweet

on April 15, 2013

My Junior year in high school is coming to close. Soon all the seniors of this year will be exempt from school for about a month and the school will be a smaller and quieter place.

Next year I will be a senior and already I am facing a huge pile of things I will have to do. Not only will I have to worry about my core classes such as english and math (thankfully I finished all my science credits so thats one less thing to worry about) and the norm of being a senior which is finding colleges I want to apply for then apply for scholarships but I will have so many clubs to worry about. I will be taking CNA which is short for Certified Nursing Assistant which is a half year program usually and I will have to go to a certain amount of hours of clinicals at different nursing homes and study hard for classwork and class tests but then the end of the year test which I will hopefully pass with flying colors. I can use this certificate as a part time job if I wanted to while going to college or I could make a career out of it but of course I want to go further in the medical field. I will first go to college to become a Registered Nurse then hopefully continue my education to become something higher or specialize in something. I want some experience around the hospital before making my mind up of what I want to do with it. CNA in highschool is neat because you supposedly get super close to the people in your class since you are with them about 4 hours a day. haha Its only up to 15 students per class. This past year every single person in the CNA program passed their state test.

Next up is being in NHS. I applied to be in the National Honor Society my sophomore year and I’ve been in it since the middle of my sophomore year. It is a pain in the butt to be in honestly. I am only in it because it is good for college. You have to go to the general meeting once a month unless you have an excuse and you have o join a committee. There are 5 committees one for every day of the school week so you pick a day and go once a week or every other week. I have tried getting into this club more but I just dont have it in me. I dont feel included. I only go for what I have to. they do a lot of little things throughout the year which I really loathe going for since I feel so excluded.

My major club I really care for is HOSA which is the health science club. HOSA is short for health occupational students of america. We are health kids who compete and try to make our community better. Our competitions go from regionals to states to nationals. its easy to get top 3 for regionals but harder for nationals when you get to states. Our uniform is a black or navy blue suit. Guys have to wear a dark red tie and of course girls must wear close toed shoes. The first year I competed in the exporaneous speaking which is where they give you a topic and you have 10 minutes to prepare a speech and then 5 minutes to speak to judges. This past year I did one with a team which I felt was very annoying working with people who are all seniors since they know each other so well and I’m like cool for you. They’d gossip during meetings and I’m like I dont know those people and want to get to work on our thing. We did a Biomedical Debate which is where they give the topic online and you prepare for both sides and then go take a test on research information (you have to figure out what to research they only give you some vocab words to know) then debate. The full time it takes to debate is 22 minutes. There is a certain format. Our topic this year was should doctors be able to ration surgeries and medical supplies due to a patients lifestyle choice such as smoking, obesity, and etc. It is a very controversy topic. For this club I plan to run for President may 7th. I am running with Kim who I met this year so we arent that close but we get along fine. She will hopefully be my vice president. We hope to change Hosa to make it fun for everyone. Perhaps do more community things such as collecting soaps and other toiletries for people who dont have anything so they can at least be comfortable. Right now the club is doing a Crutches for Africa which is where we take canes, walkers, wheelchairs, and crutches and send them to a place where they have rehabilitating prisoners fix them and make them like new and then they send it to africa for people who are born with deformed legs or have an accident and can not walk. This club will take a lot of my time. I want to put this first because this club is dear to my heart. I love it even with its disorganization. Kim and I will change it!

I guess I should include that I am in Book club but we only have meetings during lunch for that haha.

Last but not least! I am in ROTC. I have mentioned that before. It has given me a lot of heart ache because I have felt not included for I’ve felt that I wasn’t given a position that I deserved due to my effort in class. I’ve finally been given an opportunity this week though. I had heard rumors a couple weeks ago about the officers now making me an officer for next year. They want to make me a Supply Officer. They talked to me about it today. They haven’t told their other choices yet, they planned to do that may 1st but because my schedule is so hefty they wanted to tell me now to give me time to choose. I feel so happy but yet kind of upset. Upset at myself. I dont feel like I have given my full to this organization. I have attempted drill practices after school but none have made me feel included or good about myself so I stopped going. Even the one I really enjoyed learning things in because I felt so crappy due to the Commanding officer of that drill team. She made me feel so low so I just stopped. If I do become an officer I will have to attempt at least one drill team. I might go to Unarmed basic which is just plain marching or athletics which is of course just athletics! haha. Id have to go on runs and do more exercises to build up to that though because only about 5 guys go a week that I see and so id be that only girl having to stop constantly and I dont want that. I want to improve outside of it then come and be able to hang with the guys even in athletics! I actually just came back from a long needed run. I thought itd clear my mind and help me start my plan of getting fit! I am not overweight by any means but I am not really toned either. My arms are a little toned but thats only from the occasional push ups in rotc class. So It seems like I will be taking the position but I will wait a little while to let it settle in my head because I have always felt that being in any position where people look at you for guidance that you must never quit in anything. SO when it comes to pushups and situps or runs and other things I have to make myself the last girl standing and hopefully beat out a lot of guys so that I have respect from everyone. Usually with pushups I have been the last girl pushing them out though but not when doing situps! I hate situps…My biggest strength is sprinting though. I can sprint super fast for a girl. Im usually the first or second fastest girl. This basically means I hate having to work out but I will have to do it or I will be disappointed in myself :/. Another strength I have in ROTC is that I have a loud command voice and so I think that’s the main reason why they are recognizing me. Now I just have to perfect my marching and teaching.

Today was also my boyfriend and my 6 month versary. I have told him about them giving me this position if I want it but he hasnt really said anything. I told him I heard the rumor before and he didnt say anyting then either. He is also in ROTC. He has a good command voice as well but not the confidence. I wish he’d get it together. :/ I’d love to help him get through the ranks. Nothing would bring me more joy then to help someone else reach the next rank especially someone so close to me. he is a year below me. It’s weird going out with someone younger but it works out haha. I wish he would tell me what he thought on all of this. I feel so stressed out by all this and he doesnt seem to feel one way or the other about it. It kind of lowers my excitement about any of it. I dont want to say anything to him about it either though because I dont want a fake reaction like oh you got this if he really thinks I cant handle it. He really does care about me though and I can tell because I dont keep track of the time we’ve “been together” and he does and will tell me oh next week is our 5 month or whatever. We just had military ball saturday night and he got me a corsage and got a ring seperately and had them add it to the flowers. The ring is a turtle because I adore Sea turtles and tortoises! He also got me a turtle thing today. I made cookies but I dont think they turned out great. Oh earlier I put quotation marks around been together because I feel like it’s still highschool so I try not to take anything to serious. We saw a senior guy proposing to his girlfriend on saturday night and everyone was cheering and I felt weird because at the oldest they are 19 and they already are making that huge of a commitment? I have seen so many divorces and I hate how two people who once loved each other supposedly can hate each other in the end and always talk bad about each other and want only to ruin the other person’s life and that scares me. I never want to be like that. If I marry someone I want a prinup so that way if there are kids in the marriage and we get a divorce its equal time and equal with the money and everything as well. During divorces people become so hateful and forget that everyone deserves a life. It seems usually that wives will take everything from the husband. Getting the car, the house, and then money every month. Thats not much of a life for that guy :/ unless he cheated or abused her then he doesnt deserve that. I got really off topic!

Have a great evening!
D.

Have you ever felt happy and yet stressed about something?

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