tearlily

A Little of Everything type of Site

It might just be me…

on July 23, 2012

I have always been a pretty sensitive person when it came to people hurting my feelings because I have tried to be as aware as possible to everyone’s feelings around me. (Okay that is only when I’m not angry with the person.) So since Thursday afternoon I have been at my Aunt and Uncle’s beach condo and my cousin is here. My cousin has apparently had a lot of family issues in the past and I understand that in the past couple or few years she has gotten pretty close to my Aunt and Uncle. Our uncle is pretty much her only Father figure she has ever had in her life. They care for her a lot and she has told me about how they have told her Grandmother who she lives with that they will buy my cousin her school clothes so she could stay with them longer during the summer. So I understand…While we were out last night we went and ran some errands. Our last stop was Target and we went in for apparently trash bags and water and my cousin went and looked at some bathing suits and I felt so awkward because I didn’t bring my wallet or anything so I was like okay well I don’t have my money right now to buy a bathing suit so I guess I won’t look at bathing suits for me. My aunt didn’t offer to buy me a bathing suit too. She just talked to my cousin about a bathing suit. My cousin talked to me about her getting which bathing suit out of three and in the end my aunt got her three new bathing suits and didn’t offer to get me one. It made me feel so left out. I didn’t know what to think honestly. It seemed rude and I felt bad.

I think I wasn’t so upset about that but more on the memories it brought up.  I went for a walk on the beach and texted my friend about it and I teared up a bit. I think it was because in the past with the person I had considered my adoptive mother (I don’t anymore and don’t want her in my life, you can read all about the drama on my about me page if you wanted to). A couple years back she had taken my best friend and me to a bunch of stores and it all surrounded my best friend and I know she doesn’t get to have the whole shopping spree thing a lot but it’s not like we have money popping out our ears. I tried to be encouraging towards my best friend because to be honest I would’ve let someone buy me clothes if they wanted to buy me clothes. Who would deny that they want things and when it’s offered we want it so we say yes? ( I have no idea if that sentence made sense.)

So anyway, she had bought my best friend over $200 worth of clothes. That was dresses, shirts, shorts, and jeans. She had gotten me something like shorts and two shirts but I mean I was apparently her daughter right? It hurt me a little bit when she did that because it wasn’t equal and it’s not like she owed something to my best friend or my best friend’s family. It was nice but honestly did we have the money to be spending on other people? She would do things like this all the time because she wanted people to look at her and think she was sweet and kind and giving. I have a lot of issues with this lady as you can tell.

What hurt me most is after the three of us went shopping for my best friend and gave her a shopping spree she then went to some more stores with me and was looking for more dresses for my best friend. My best friend wasn’t even there. I felt like I was going to cry (I am a sensitive person goshdanggit!) and so I walked away and was looking at clothes and she got mad because I wasn’t be supportive of my best friend apparently. I loathe that lady with all my heart. I had to live with her and deal with all of her BS. So when this whole bathing suit thing happened (it was still rude) it just brought up some feeling I hadn’t had in a while. Jealousy, betrayal. Pitty-like feelings. haha but that’s what makes us human I suppose.

D.

(Sorry for the rant/depressing thing)

Some funny depression (sort of depression) related pictures:

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