tearlily

A Little of Everything type of Site

From the freaking bottom of my freaking heart…

on July 3, 2012

Okay so I am super annoyed and upset right now. My grandmother got super sick yesterday morning and my dad had to stay at our house because Lowes was dropping off new windows and a front door because we are replacing those in our house. (Our house is super old!) We went over right after and she was really weak and chilling out on the comfy chair. She was reading her Kindle and such. I love her and of course I am worried about her but she makes things so over dramatic and it just feels like she wants us to all feel bad for her. I don’t mind doing things for people. I really don’t, unless I don’t feel good. I haven’t felt very good lately either and it’s not just that but you have to ask me if you want me to do something and a please would be helpful and trying to guilt trip me makes me irritable and puts you on my crap list.

She will usually tell me to do this and do that while I am at her house. This makes me not want to be at her house much. When she asks me to do stuff she starts with an “It’s sooo hard for me to get out of this chair and do blah blah blah so could you do this?” Why can’t she ask me to do something like normal people do??

 

Normal people:

“Hey Dalena, Would you mind doing this for me because it’s hard for me?”

 

“Sure thing normal person who is asking me to do something without trying to guilt trip me.” : )

 

My Grandmother asking me to do something:

“Dalena,” DRAMATIC PAUSE. “It’s so hard for me to get up from this chair these days. It takes me at least 5 minutes and you are young and can get up quicker.” Me nodding my head, thinking okay what the heck do you want lady. “Could you make me a glass of tea?” (Or it could be something else but can’t think of anything to put there.)

 

 

And then when she is telling me to do something it is like oh your dad is here go make him a glass of tea. This makes me want to be like you guys are old and need to stay in motion so go on now. Keep moving and make him a glass of tea yourself. (I know I am a terrible selfish person but I don’t ever say this. I Just keep stuffing my irritation and anger down more and more until I get so angry I explode. )

 

Today I said from the bottom of my freaking heart, “Mama would you like me to stay here and help you out by cooking and whatnot until you feel better?”

 

What did she say, instead of saying that would be wonderful and kind of you or yes or no and thank you, “The same thought crossed my mind yesterday.” dramatic freaking pause.

 

So I offered this from my heart. If she were to ask me to do that I would have done it because she does a lot for me but I wouldn’t be as willing. Does that make sense? Like it wouldn’t have come from my heart and from my kindness. It would have been more forced.

 

So after she said this it made my heart shrivel up, close, and get a little cold. (Yes again, I am sorry to the world for being such a selfish person.)

 

What the Mayflower folks? Lesson here is don’t say stuff like that if you want people to do something willingly for you.

 

Fun Fact about the Mayflower:

Everyone knows that the Mayflower brought the pilgrims to America (If you didn’t, you do now) but where else did it sail?

It got paid to bring stuff like Vinegar, salt and hats to Norway! But it was a month late and the person who hired the Mayflower had been thrown in jail for default on his debt.

 

Any who, later I offered to drive my dad and I to where he was going to run an errand because I need to drive more I guess even if I don’t want to.(I hate driving and have avoided it pretty well till this summer.) There was a lot of traffic and he got frustrated with me about some driving issues and I got mad because you need to be calm while I am driving. When he gets angry he just does crappy stuff like turn the radio off because I wanted to listen to my music and he wanted to listen to his music but the thing is, is that he always says well the driver gets to pick the music and makes me listen to his music but now was being a hypocrite.  Then he tried explaining to me something I did wrong while I was driving and trying to concentrate on driving because of traffic. So in the end we are pissed at each other and I stayed in the parking lot while it was super hot outside and cried in the car. He got back in the car and drove to KFC and went in and didn’t say anything to me so I was like fine I dont care if I ever eat! (Dramatic rebellious teenage moment in my head.) I stayed in car again and listened to ipod and he came back out all angry and was you’re not going to eat. I said guess not. He went back in and came out with a drink for me when he was done and we didn’t talk. Fun times, fun times. NOT. I am still mad at him.

D.

 

 

How I feel these days about driving:

 

 

 

Not all women…Just me. lol

\

 

Makes driving way more fun:

 

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