Bitter Sweet

My Junior year in high school is coming to close. Soon all the seniors of this year will be exempt from school for about a month and the school will be a smaller and quieter place.

Next year I will be a senior and already I am facing a huge pile of things I will have to do. Not only will I have to worry about my core classes such as english and math (thankfully I finished all my science credits so thats one less thing to worry about) and the norm of being a senior which is finding colleges I want to apply for then apply for scholarships but I will have so many clubs to worry about. I will be taking CNA which is short for Certified Nursing Assistant which is a half year program usually and I will have to go to a certain amount of hours of clinicals at different nursing homes and study hard for classwork and class tests but then the end of the year test which I will hopefully pass with flying colors. I can use this certificate as a part time job if I wanted to while going to college or I could make a career out of it but of course I want to go further in the medical field. I will first go to college to become a Registered Nurse then hopefully continue my education to become something higher or specialize in something. I want some experience around the hospital before making my mind up of what I want to do with it. CNA in highschool is neat because you supposedly get super close to the people in your class since you are with them about 4 hours a day. haha Its only up to 15 students per class. This past year every single person in the CNA program passed their state test.

Next up is being in NHS. I applied to be in the National Honor Society my sophomore year and I’ve been in it since the middle of my sophomore year. It is a pain in the butt to be in honestly. I am only in it because it is good for college. You have to go to the general meeting once a month unless you have an excuse and you have o join a committee. There are 5 committees one for every day of the school week so you pick a day and go once a week or every other week. I have tried getting into this club more but I just dont have it in me. I dont feel included. I only go for what I have to. they do a lot of little things throughout the year which I really loathe going for since I feel so excluded.

My major club I really care for is HOSA which is the health science club. HOSA is short for health occupational students of america. We are health kids who compete and try to make our community better. Our competitions go from regionals to states to nationals. its easy to get top 3 for regionals but harder for nationals when you get to states. Our uniform is a black or navy blue suit. Guys have to wear a dark red tie and of course girls must wear close toed shoes. The first year I competed in the exporaneous speaking which is where they give you a topic and you have 10 minutes to prepare a speech and then 5 minutes to speak to judges. This past year I did one with a team which I felt was very annoying working with people who are all seniors since they know each other so well and I’m like cool for you. They’d gossip during meetings and I’m like I dont know those people and want to get to work on our thing. We did a Biomedical Debate which is where they give the topic online and you prepare for both sides and then go take a test on research information (you have to figure out what to research they only give you some vocab words to know) then debate. The full time it takes to debate is 22 minutes. There is a certain format. Our topic this year was should doctors be able to ration surgeries and medical supplies due to a patients lifestyle choice such as smoking, obesity, and etc. It is a very controversy topic. For this club I plan to run for President may 7th. I am running with Kim who I met this year so we arent that close but we get along fine. She will hopefully be my vice president. We hope to change Hosa to make it fun for everyone. Perhaps do more community things such as collecting soaps and other toiletries for people who dont have anything so they can at least be comfortable. Right now the club is doing a Crutches for Africa which is where we take canes, walkers, wheelchairs, and crutches and send them to a place where they have rehabilitating prisoners fix them and make them like new and then they send it to africa for people who are born with deformed legs or have an accident and can not walk. This club will take a lot of my time. I want to put this first because this club is dear to my heart. I love it even with its disorganization. Kim and I will change it!

I guess I should include that I am in Book club but we only have meetings during lunch for that haha.

Last but not least! I am in ROTC. I have mentioned that before. It has given me a lot of heart ache because I have felt not included for I’ve felt that I wasn’t given a position that I deserved due to my effort in class. I’ve finally been given an opportunity this week though. I had heard rumors a couple weeks ago about the officers now making me an officer for next year. They want to make me a Supply Officer. They talked to me about it today. They haven’t told their other choices yet, they planned to do that may 1st but because my schedule is so hefty they wanted to tell me now to give me time to choose. I feel so happy but yet kind of upset. Upset at myself. I dont feel like I have given my full to this organization. I have attempted drill practices after school but none have made me feel included or good about myself so I stopped going. Even the one I really enjoyed learning things in because I felt so crappy due to the Commanding officer of that drill team. She made me feel so low so I just stopped. If I do become an officer I will have to attempt at least one drill team. I might go to Unarmed basic which is just plain marching or athletics which is of course just athletics! haha. Id have to go on runs and do more exercises to build up to that though because only about 5 guys go a week that I see and so id be that only girl having to stop constantly and I dont want that. I want to improve outside of it then come and be able to hang with the guys even in athletics! I actually just came back from a long needed run. I thought itd clear my mind and help me start my plan of getting fit! I am not overweight by any means but I am not really toned either. My arms are a little toned but thats only from the occasional push ups in rotc class. So It seems like I will be taking the position but I will wait a little while to let it settle in my head because I have always felt that being in any position where people look at you for guidance that you must never quit in anything. SO when it comes to pushups and situps or runs and other things I have to make myself the last girl standing and hopefully beat out a lot of guys so that I have respect from everyone. Usually with pushups I have been the last girl pushing them out though but not when doing situps! I hate situps…My biggest strength is sprinting though. I can sprint super fast for a girl. Im usually the first or second fastest girl. This basically means I hate having to work out but I will have to do it or I will be disappointed in myself :/. Another strength I have in ROTC is that I have a loud command voice and so I think that’s the main reason why they are recognizing me. Now I just have to perfect my marching and teaching.

Today was also my boyfriend and my 6 month versary. I have told him about them giving me this position if I want it but he hasnt really said anything. I told him I heard the rumor before and he didnt say anyting then either. He is also in ROTC. He has a good command voice as well but not the confidence. I wish he’d get it together. :/ I’d love to help him get through the ranks. Nothing would bring me more joy then to help someone else reach the next rank especially someone so close to me. he is a year below me. It’s weird going out with someone younger but it works out haha. I wish he would tell me what he thought on all of this. I feel so stressed out by all this and he doesnt seem to feel one way or the other about it. It kind of lowers my excitement about any of it. I dont want to say anything to him about it either though because I dont want a fake reaction like oh you got this if he really thinks I cant handle it. He really does care about me though and I can tell because I dont keep track of the time we’ve “been together” and he does and will tell me oh next week is our 5 month or whatever. We just had military ball saturday night and he got me a corsage and got a ring seperately and had them add it to the flowers. The ring is a turtle because I adore Sea turtles and tortoises! He also got me a turtle thing today. I made cookies but I dont think they turned out great. Oh earlier I put quotation marks around been together because I feel like it’s still highschool so I try not to take anything to serious. We saw a senior guy proposing to his girlfriend on saturday night and everyone was cheering and I felt weird because at the oldest they are 19 and they already are making that huge of a commitment? I have seen so many divorces and I hate how two people who once loved each other supposedly can hate each other in the end and always talk bad about each other and want only to ruin the other person’s life and that scares me. I never want to be like that. If I marry someone I want a prinup so that way if there are kids in the marriage and we get a divorce its equal time and equal with the money and everything as well. During divorces people become so hateful and forget that everyone deserves a life. It seems usually that wives will take everything from the husband. Getting the car, the house, and then money every month. Thats not much of a life for that guy :/ unless he cheated or abused her then he doesnt deserve that. I got really off topic!

Have a great evening!
D.

Have you ever felt happy and yet stressed about something?

Gratitude Journal Entry #5

I am thankful for chocolate pastries from Panera bread! They just bring a little bit of happiness into your day

I am also thankful for all my family that have been there for me. I’m also grateful for my true friends.

Keep Smiling,
D.

What are you thankful for today?

Bad Dreams

I’ve had a lot of dreams lately with my boyfriend in it. Typically its amazing if I remember my dreams because they’re usually very scattered and have no complete story. I’ve read about dreams once and they are pretty neat because some can be a continuous story, others can be controlled by the dreamer and so on. I’m sure a lot of you have heard about people believing that what you dream symbolize something in your life. One of those symbolizing things that I remember is that if you are falling in your dream it’s suppose to mean that you are struggling with a lot of things in life at that moment that are stressing you out, especially to do with due dates. I don’t remember ever falling in my dreams, Which is amazing since I am a procrastinator. A lot of people who study the brain say that when you sleep things in your brain bounce around and you dream about it. I believe that since when I worry about something I usually dream about it.

My dreams are usually scattered around and have no good transitions to the next scene. Like when you watch a movie one scene can dramatically black out and move onto the next but usually it makes sense. In my dreams its all over the place. I had a dream once that I went from saving animals at this horrible animal shelter and ran out into the street with all the random animals (there were snakes in the mix) and then I was randomly in a cute town sort of like you would see in Disney but there was a huge M&M Mountain. Just one giant red M&M and the then the town tilted sort of like in the movie inception and the M&M mountain came crashing down and I was in a kayak swimming away because it was more of a river then anything by the time it got to me. As you can see that made no sense! Those are my typical dreams. Usually not as crazy though. If I dream about a place I should know such as my house or school, it looks different in my dream. A completely different place that I have never been to. Same thing with the people in my dream. Usually I don’t know anyone in my dream in my real life so when I have a dream with someone in real life in it, its pretty weird.

One of the scariest dreams I remember having was when I was younger I was in a bed in this room randomly and it had all these shelves all up and down the wall and the ceiling was high. There were just all those beautiful but creepy porcelain dolls and they all had their heads moved to where they could stare at me and then I crawled out of the bed and ran out of the room and in the hall was this nice looking man in a suit and I was going towards him but then he turned into a werewolf so I ran away and somehow found my way out of the house and when I was running from the house it was just this random beautiful but creepy mansion and the werewolf dude was back to a nice man in a suit at the door.

Well anyway besides all these weird dreams I’ve had in the way past that I can remember the more recent ones have been with people I know in real life in it. About a couple weeks after we got together I had a dream about him and me in our ROTC classroom and the room was super bright. It was so weird since it usually isn’t that bright and nice and because it looked just like our class that I go to and I don’t ever dream of places I know. Our desks were pulled together and he was coloring a castle that was on a paper that was torn from a kids coloring book. I asked if I could color too and he thought about it and said sure but he didn’t sound like he wanted me to and when I started to color he got all upset with me and said I was doing it wrong and took it back from me. I told him about it the next morning. He has a great sense of humor and said he was sorry for being so rude in my dream. About a few weeks ago I feel like he was in one of my dreams but I don’t remember that one besides knowing he was in it. One about a week ago he was in it and I feel like we were at school again or something and I was so angry and frustrated but not at him and that dream the place also didn’t look familiar to me. The one last night that I had had him in it and we were hanging out with his family I guess and he in this dream had a little sister and now I think could be a little cousin and she was playing on my ginormous Tablet (I don’t have a huge tablet in real life though haha) and she was downloading something on it and I got mad and yelled at her. I didn’t mean to yell and said sorry a couple times to her and my boyfriend got so mad at me which isn’t like him. He stayed mad at me the whole dream. I said sorry to him again and told him I dont know what more he wanted from me so I left and then the next scene I was at some random fair type thing and people were dressed up like they were trying to be from the renaissance time (which is funny because I was just at a renaissance festival but the place looked nothing like the one I went to). My dad and his girlfriend were with me in the dream. I had messaged my boyfriend earlier and asked if he wanted to join me at it but he didn’t response so the whole time I was kind of upset he didn’t just tell me no then I feel like the dream ended with me seeing him at some point and telling him hey if you’re going to stay mad at me then we’re going to have to break up because there’s no purpose to stay together. Then he was mad at me more because I brought up breaking up! haha it was so weird. None of the places looked familiar in the dream but three people were in it that I know in real life.

I wonder what these dreams mean. I don’t usually have dreams with people in them and I have dreams with him in it and usually he’s mad in them which isn’t like him at all in real life. I don’t remember us being mad at each other yet and we’ve been together for five months now. Oh well.

What kind of dreams do you guys have?

D.

Old Spice Commercial redone

I was watching some videos on Youtube and came across this adorable video from Ellen.

Keep Smiling,
D.

Happy March!

Good afternoon everyone!

March in Florida has been just freezing! It has gotten as low as 30 degrees at night here! The average morning is around 40 or 50 degrees and the highest it gets all day is 60 something or if we are lucky 70 something. I know that doesn’t seem bad for some people but its horrible for us Floridians!

How is the weather for everyone?

D.

Gratitude Journal Entry#4

Good Day everyone!

I am grateful for the people I have in my life. I’m grateful for all the delicious snacks I can enjoy everyday even if some are bad for me. I’m grateful to be in a country where I feel safe everyday.

I’ve been hearing and learning about all these horrible stories where girls get shot in the face, acid thrown on their face, and even one where this girl got her nose and ears cut off by her Dad and Uncle so that she would stop socializing so much. She made it to America and is getting her face reconstructed. Most of the stories I heard were all getting their faces reconstructed but you can only do so much for each person’s face. It makes me grateful for my face. I can’t imagine going through life with a deformed one and I hope I never have to. It’s not like you need a nose or ears but it makes walking to the store or going to school without people staring at you. I heard one lady who got her face ripped off by a chimpanzee went to the store and a little kid screamed and ran away. The kid called her a monster.

Sorry for such a depressing post,
D.

Me? A Player?

“Player”

The first thing that pops in my head when I hear the word Player is a girl or guy who goes around getting multiple girls or guys at the same time. Like they will date them and skip around a lot. I always think of a user when I hear that word. Or a heart breaker?

When I type in Player at Bing.com what I get is a site that is talking about a type of player on your computer, a band named player that was apparently a big deal in America in the 1970′s and then the Urban Dictionary’s definition of Player.

Lets see what the Urban Dictionary has to say?

Player

A Guy Who:
(1) doesn’t understand the meaning of relationship
(2) is in full reproductive mode
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts)
(4) often “dates” several girls at several schools (girls are often unaware of each other)

There was also some rude definitions on there but I try not to curse on my blogs because I want to keep what I write on the internet clean.

I think it’s pretty funny since the amount of boyfriends I’ve had I can count on one hand. And when I say a boyfriend I mean someone who I have been on multiple dates before considering them my boyfriend. I have to know who they are and how they will treat me before making a monogamous commitment. haha Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge flirt but only when the guy is single and I am single. When I am with a boyfriend or I know people are taken I will not flirt.

I think it’s pretty funny but at the same time the people that apparently were talking about me should have nothing to say about me. One guy’s name is Reyaz and he apparently said I led him on but honestly I don’t know him. He is in ROTC too but I haven’t had a class with him till this semester which just started not too long ago. He has a girlfriend who is in my squad. I’ve never had a full conversation with him before and defidently not a one on on conversation. I know who he is but I dont know him. I just always got a weird vibe from this dude. Then there is Nick who I was friends with and at some point we would talk every single day. He liked me at some point and I told him I’m sorry but I dont feel like that towards you but I hope we can stay friends. I’m pretty direct. I threw in the whole bit with the whole I care about you as a brother and so he took that kind of serious about us being like brother and sister for a while. We never went out public places to hang out by ourselves except like once at the library but he knew I considered him a friend. He had gone to my house maybe once or twice but of course a parent was there and it was still a friend thing. We went to the movies once but we had another guy friend with us. Anywho apparently he said he asked me out and I said we had to go on a date before I considered him my boyfriend so he took me out on a date and apparently I was only just using him? I feel like he is a liar. I never went on a date with him and I sure as heck never said he’d ever be my boyfriend.

So should I be offended by this label or find it comical? I can almost take it as a compliment that they think I’m that great with guys? haha

Keep Smiling,
D.

P.S. I told my boyfriend and he laughed xD that’s how worried he is about it.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone! Valentines Day shouldn’t just be about couples, it should also be about friends and family! Let the people in your life know that you care about them and how they have impacted your life. It could always brighten that person’s day knowing that their existence is important to someone.

Even if you don’t tell them today their is always tomorrow or this weekend or next week! Let them know!

Thank you for everyone who reads my blog! I appreciate it! Always feel free to comment any questions or thoughts you have!

Today was a nice day for me. It was the first Valentines Day that I had a boyfriend. It was a nasty day down here in Florida though. Its been gray and cloudy all day and rainy at times. Now it is just storming away.

My Boyfriend was super sweet. We had to all dress up today for JROTC in place of uniforms so everyone did look nice. He wore an adorable red shirt . I was in a dress. I gave him a box of chocolates (Twix and milky way in it because he loves caramel) and a stuffed animal chipmunk which was suppose to be an inside joke type thing…I don’t think it was such a good idea anymore although he said it was cute but I don’t know. I had also gotten him some things our school clubs were selling like a singing gram where a 5 person group from chorus comes into the class and sings either “I’m Yours” from Jason Mraz or “You and Me” from I believe lifehouse? It was only a dollar so hopefully they came into his class and sang for him . I also got him a 2 dollar carnation they were selling for HOSA which is a club I am in. I know for sure that got to him because that was earlier in the day. Of course the one he got had to be pink xD.

He made me a brownie that he cut into a heart shape! I had made him a heart shaped Peanut Butter cookie before we were going out so I thought it was the sweetest thing. (He asked me what I wanted for Valentines Day a couple weeks back and I said I wanted him to cook for me.) He also got me a rose and a bag of Ande’s candy and my favorite part of his gift was a pin/brooch that is a beautiful turtle! He knows my favorite animals are Sea Turtles so i was pleased .

I wasn’t in that great of a mood today though. I was very shaky this morning and got frustrated in Math class over being rushed with work (our time got cut short due to having to go to an hour meeting for Juniors and Seniors while Freshmen and Sophomores were writing for practice). Overall though I had a nice day. I got a cupcake from a friend and a brownie from another and a Ghiradelli coconut chocolate. It was overall a pretty sweet day. haha Yes, pun intended.

Keep Smiling,
D.

P.S. How was your Valentines Day? Did you have a valentine?

Art Project: Phobias

So I am officially in Ap Art starting this past Tuesday. I can’t believe I am in it. It’s so random to me. I never even really thought I’d be taking a class like this. 

 

Starting off we have two projects and some written work. I have done all my paperwork work already and I started one project and have an idea for my next project.

 

The First project she gave us was to make something out of lines. The majority of the class is doing a 2D portfolio and about only 4 of us are doing a 3D portfolio. I am doing a 3D one with mostly Clay things. I think I will use clay in every single one but add some materials such as cloth or metal wires to it. For this first project I have decided to start off with a platform of clay and then to use little lines I cut out of the clay to make grass. It’s taking forever but looks pretty good so far. I am working on an old looking bench and then some stepping stones. I am going to make some animals out of lines. I have no idea how I’m going to do it but it shall happen!

 

The second project she is having us do is a kind of random creature? For 2D people it’s simple because they can draw random things together or take pictures and collage them together. She wants animal parts or some random things just kind of mashed together to make a mutant thing? My idea on this is to take a dark route and go with phobias I may have or other people may have. My biggest fears are cockroaches and dolls coming to life. It’d be difficult to make a scary creepy looking cockroach or a doll coming to life so I am sticking with the general phobias. I looked up a list up the top ten phobias and the first was heights which is too hard to put into a collage and some others such as dark, small spaces and etc. The ones I plan to use in my project are snakes, spiders, and the number 13. haha the number 13 is a fear or superstition to people.  

 

My plan that I hope I can do is to make a girl with Spider legs as her whole bottom half of her body in a sitting position and then for her to be in a dark torn up corset dress. One of her arms will be a rattlesnake and the ear on the side of the arm will have a rattle as the earring. She will have a gothic looking tophat with a playing card  tucked in it. Of course the playing card will be an Ace of 13. haha Not a real card but what the hay? I thought her normal human arm can be holding a black rose. Maybe I should try to make a raven on her shoulder? Do you have any ideas to make this even creepier? 

 

 

I wonder if I could actually sculpt that. We shall see. 

 

Keep smiling,

D.

 

 

P.S. I usually am not a really dark person so the whole phobia project is way out there for me. 

Gratitude Entry #3

So It is 24 days into this New Year and this is my 3rd gratitude post. I need to step it up. I should strive for at least 4 a month!

I am grateful for music. It just helps me stay sane throughout the week. I am also really grateful for art right now. Hopefully I can use my time in art better.

Basically I am noticing the fine arts and such in my life this past week or so.

Keep Smiling,
D.